Cambodia - July 28, 2013

[The following post is an excerpt from my journal as I traveled to Cambodia. The inconsistency in the entry title and datestamp is due to limited internet access while I was on the trip. These experiences were documented in real time, and I am posting photoblogs now that I have returned. In order to protect all those involved with the organization that rescues children from sex slavery and works to prevent others from being trafficked, I have intentionally omitted specific names and locations.]

Sunday, July 28, 2013 - Phnom Penh, Cambodia

"If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing." 1 Corinthians 13:1-3

I've heard the more you give love, the more capacity you have to love. Loving is a self-sustaining process. I believe this to be true, much like the competitors in the annual July 4th Hot Dog Eating Contest on Coney Island train for the contest by stretching their stomachs and, thus, their capacity to eat hot dogs quickly. We give love in order that we can love bigger.

This has proven itself to be very true in my life. It seems that the wider spread my love goes, the wider my capacity to love becomes. I now have pieces of my heart in the North America, Africa, and Asia, and I feel like I have so much more love to give. My heart is overflowing, almost to a literal sense! I want to show love to every person I see!

But, the funny thing about love is, it often requires a conscious choice. Often it is not the natural response. Scars can inhibit us from giving love because we are afraid it will not be handled with care. Loving is vulnerable.

In his book The Four Loves, C.S. Lewis said, "To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable."

Believe me- locking your heart in a safe is no way to live. I've tried it. It removes the very purpose God created us for. And without purpose, we have nothing to live for. If we refuse to be vulnerable enough to love others and, instead, lock our heart away in a dark casket, nothing we say carries weight any longer.

God created us to love. Our entire being is meant to give Him honor and glory. He commands us, out of that honor and glory, to build disciples of all nations. Choose to love. Choose to be vulnerable.

The possibility of a wrung or broken heart can be terrifying, especially to those with scars from past hurts. To those with particularly sensitive hearts, loving is a great risk. But the beauty of pure, uninhibited love is being willing to have your heart mangled in the process of showing others who Jesus is. We can be confident that in such obedience, God, the Ultimate Healer, will heal any resulting scabs or bruises and make our hearts more complete than they were to begin with.

Cambodia - July 25, 2013

[The following post is an excerpt from my journal as I traveled to Cambodia. The inconsistency in the entry title and datestamp is due to limited internet access while I was on the trip. These experiences were documented in real time, and I am posting photoblogs now that I have returned. In order to protect all those involved with the organization that rescues children from sex slavery and works to prevent others from being trafficked, I have intentionally omitted specific names and locations.]

Thursday, July 25, 2013 - en route to Phnom Penh, Cambodia

"...encourage the young men to be self-controlled.

In everything set them an example by doing what is good."

Titus 2:6-7

Today we headed back to the capital city, Phnom Penh, for the final leg of our trip. Our one pit stop on the bus ride back was at a tarantula farm [yes, those exist]. Being someone who is freaked out by spiders but enjoys the adrenaline rush of conquering fears, naturally, I decided I needed to hold a tarantula.

["Proof or it didn't happen!" Welp, here ya go!]

Yep, that happened, alright. Moving on...

While on the bus, I was eagerly awaiting our arrival back to the city because I knew I would get to spend time with a boy who stole my heart [no, not like that].

Throughout the trip, I have seen trafficking and its effects in action. I have seen older white men in intimate settings with young Khmer girls. The fact that I can see trafficking occurring so clearly in public makes me wonder how much is happening behind the scenes. The prospect of it all makes me feel sick. Needless to say, I have grown skeptical. I have caught myself beginning to distrust nearly every man I pass by. I cannot help but think that a majority of the adult men here have been involved in trafficking in some capacity, whether it be working as a pimp, selling a child, buying a girl for the evening, or even being a silent witness. Not to say that women are not also involved- [believe me, they are!]- but it is the men that I see. It has become increasingly difficult to refrain from making judgements about people I encounter.

Despite losing a significant portion of my trust for the men here, God has shown me a silver lining- a valuable stream of beauty within the ugliness. Our translator's brother has begun a ministry for pre-teen and teenage boys where he mentors them and teaches them to make jewelry by carving coconut. Along with teaching these boys a trade in order to earn an income, he is also teaching them how to be Godly men. And it is becoming very fruitful. One of the boys in particular has helped provide a much-needed fresh perspective on Khmer men.

Earlier on the trip, we took a tour of the village where these boys live. At one point on the tour, we had to walk down a slippery staircase toward a part of the village on the river. Some of the boys were excitedly leading the tour, while the group of us women fell behind because we had slowed down in order to prevent slipping and falling. Before I knew it, a 13-year-old boy turned around and stopped at a spot where we had to take a particularly large step down. He offered out his hand and assisted us as we made the descent.

Amidst a world where trafficking is so prevalent, this one gentlemanly gesture spoke so loudly. This 13-year-old boy is more of a man than most traffickers will ever be. Thanks to this ministry, these boys are quickly transforming into men of God who will, in turn, raise up the next generation of Godly men. The prospects are so hopeful!

For now, prayer is the answer. Pray that God, in all His power, uses this ministry as the seed that becomes a root which grows a trunk which separates into branches that sprout leaves until the entire country is covered with Godly people. Pray for the hearts of the men and women involved in trafficking. Pray that they begin to see the children they victimize for who they are- precious children of God who deserve to keep their purity. Pray that their hearts become repentant and that they may, one day, get to enter the gates of Heaven.

That's right- I said it. I want to see those who do evil in Heaven someday. Even the most vile things they have done are covered by what He has done for us. He sent His only Son to die on the cross in our place. For me to deny that a trafficker could be saved would be denying the validity of God's promise and the power of His sacrifice. Pray that repentance occurs. Sex slavery is extremely evil, but God is infinitely Good! Pray that traffickers turn their backs on evil and sprint toward Good.

Finding Security in God

 "Find rest, O my soul, in God alone;
   my hope comes from him.
 He alone is my rock and my salvation;
   he is my fortress, I will not be shaken" 
Psalm 62:5-6

We are a people who tend to worry. We worry about about whether or not we remembered to set the alarm clock for the correct time. We worry about not having enough time. We worry about not having enough money. We worry about whether or not our boss will notice us strolling into work a few minutes late. We worry about what clothes to wear. We worry about whether or not the person we just met enjoyed our company. Let's face it: insecurities have, at one point or another, ruled our lives.

Several months ago, I witnessed a woman getting measurements taken at a dress shop. When the seamstress told the woman what size she needed, the woman burst into tears because the number was larger than she expected. Why do numbers have such an affect on individuals? Why do others' opinions control how we look and act? Why do insecurities cripple us? The good news is: They don't have to.

Most insecurities are able to be classified in one of two categories: uncertainty and image. When we worry about whether or not we will have sufficient money to pay the bills, or getting into college, or getting a job, or finding a spouse, we are insecure about the uncertainty that the future holds. When we worry about whether or not our professors or bosses like us, or how we did in the interview, or how much we weigh, or what to wear, we are insecure about our image. Insecurities are everywhere. I imagine that Satan certainly enjoys using these little tools to keep us from our Creator. Insecurities are detrimental to our faith because insecurities cause us to worry, and worry is the opposite of faith.

In Isaiah 7:9, the Lord says, "If you do not stand firm in your faith, you will not stand at all." Thus, we have a responsibility to combat our insecurities. This sounds so simple, yet application can be extremely difficult. We can even be insecure about our abilities to rid ourselves of insecurity. Before we realize it, Satan has woven us into a tangled web of self destruction that we refuse to believe we will ever be freed from. Gratefully, God's word can provide that freedom.

Insecurities that stem from uncertainty have a simple Biblical solution. In the famous Sermon on the Mount, Jesus teaches about worry. He says, "Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?" (Matthew 6:26). In other words, if you think you are more valuable than a bird, then start acting like it! Birds do not worry about uncertainty, so you shouldn't either! Instead of putting your hope in what is uncertain, put your hope in God.

Insecurities that come from image are generally tougher to tackle. Our flesh tends to lie to us when it comes to self-image. And no, contrary to popular belief, this concept does not apply solely to women. Men can have just as many (if not more) image-based insecurities as women. I've known men with eating disorders, others who are addicted to working out, and others who take longer than the average woman to get ready in the morning. [As an aside, let me assure you, it does not make you any less of a man to be insecure about your image; It simply makes you human!] Regardless of what type of self-image you have, the Bible teaches that beauty is within. First Samuel 16:7 says, "Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart."

Sure, we can read this Scripture over and over again and still dislike ourselves. Our culture has set a standard for beauty, and even though that standard is a complete lie, we buy into it and refuse to let go. In a self defense class I took in college, the professor asked the class what would be safer: to walk home at night on a sidewalk or through an field. After all of the students answered with the sidewalk option, the professor corrected us. He explained that many times, sidewalks are lined up against bushes, streets, or buildings where it would be possible for an attacker to hide, sneak up on you, and take you out of sight in a matter of seconds. In a field, you would have the advantage of being able to spot an attacker long before any physical contact may occur. My perspective was shifted. The world was telling me that the sidewalk was the safer place, when in reality, that was not necessarily true. The world tells us how to define beauty, when in reality, the world's definition is flawed. The world certainly has us fooled.

I recently finished reading the book of Job, and since then, I cannot stop thinking about the Lord's monologue in Job 38-39 when God challenges Job with questions. He asks, "Where were you when I laid the earth’s foundation?" and says, "Have you comprehended the vast expanses of the earth? Tell me, if you know all this." In a nutshell, the Lord is scolding Job for complaining and trying to justify his own righteousness rather than trusting in God. Something tells me that if God were to come down and speak on the topic of worldly beauty it would go something like this: "Who are you, world, to define beauty? Who are you, world, to claim that people should be a certain size or should dress a certain way? Where were you when I laid the earth's foundation? Have you comprehended the vast expanses of the earth?" I would imagine that these questions would go on for quite a while as God makes His point clear.

We can cling to worldly things and people who make us feel secure, but if they get pulled away, were they ever secure to begin with? If your security comes from your job, what happens when you get laid off? If your security comes from a significant other, what happens when you break up? If your security comes from having a nice car, what happens when it gets stolen? False security is the source of insecurities! Quit relying on false security, and start relying on God. Let Him be your fortress. With Him, you will not be shaken.